I like the meme that reminds us that we won’t be able to change our racist uncles awful views, so we should just go sit at the kids table and radicalize them instead. If I was gathering with a group for Christmas this would be my mission lol
I hope you have a lovely Christmas, Julia. This will be the 4th Christmas my husband has spent in hospital. He was admitted on 10/09, bacteraemia then scanned & discovered he had kidney stone. He has primary progressive MS, 72 now diagnosed at 54, advanced stage now, fully compos mentis & there is no care package available to enable him to come home. The care sector is totally broken. I despair. Thank you for all your hard work. 💚
Alison I am so so sorry you and your husband are going through this. What a horrible way to spend the holidays. He is fortunate to have you by his side through this.
No, I haven’t but thank you for your reply. There just isn’t the capacity in the care sector & it seems particularly bad in Somerset despite there being a considerable number of care agencies. A doesn’t have complex needs, he needs washing & moving position. I empty the urine bag & clean up everything, give him his meds, feed him, provide all other needs. It’s really just moving & hoisting him into his wheelchair I can’t do. I dread him staying in hospital for a third lengthy spell. 💚
Thank you, Julia. Both daughters here & visiting A & an ex-pupil going in tomorrow to see him. He been supplied with mince pies, cheese, grapes & whiskey, so he’s content. He is very stoical & staff have described him as having a unique grace. He is the most tolerant person I have ever known. It’s what made him such a good teacher, I think. Hope you’re having a great break from it all. xx
Sorry it has taken so long to reply dear Alison. You do so much for him!
Moving and hoisting is essential and not easy!!
That should be recognised by provision of support to you. You save the NHS so much already they should recognise how cost effective it would be to support you properly!
Do share what would help. I am an OAP who with my siblings supported our parents when they were very poorly/dependent. Also a retired doctor.
Hoping the last month has not been too challenging.
Thank you, David. Believe me your considerate reply is very much appreciated. The last few months have been very trying. There don’t appear to be any carers available in Somerset & Andy remains in hospital. Thank you for listening.
I requested noise - cancelling headphones from my mother-in-law. I'm looking forward to using them and not having to listen to her monologues. Delicious irony. Merry Christmas
We’ve already had a heated discussion as to whether Mary Earps deserved to be Personality of the Year. Very surprised at the sexist comments from some family members. Today should be interesting as I’m very much outnumbered by right wingers, who pretend that they’re not. I’ll try and avoid discussion, but am not optimistic that I’ll be able to keep my mouth shut. Good luck Ju, see you the other side.
Hi Vee!! Hmm it’s so difficult to keep biting your tongue isn’t it? Lots of my family members get worried about people ‘creating scenes’ (which basically means they get angry if anyone holds them to account for saying dreadful things…!). Have things improved today at all? Ju
I try to keep reminding myself that a past generation's racism will have to die with them, as I've refused the inherit it.
Only on this sort of occasion do I bite my lip and accept that I'm unlikely to make any significant change to anyone who's believed in their inappropriate attitude for 75+ years, in fact it will only lead to at least two people getting upset.
Hoping to avoid discussions with one of the family who supports Trump, yet acknowledges the hopeless case of ex-PM Johnson. I remain mystified by the logic. Merry Christmas Ju, and all of you working to do the best for everyone.
Oh gosh Rik that must be very hard to stomach!! Do you avoid talking about Trump or confront it head-on? Thinking of you! Thank you so much for all of your support! Ju
They are also a heavy smoker, ugh, with mild but chronic asthma - astounding? Easier to ignore the topic for one day in the year methinks Ju. Thank you, and hope I'm doing my little bit to help.
I once enlivened a family BBQ by stating “people that want to avoid paying tax can sod off and live in a hell hole of a country with no public services”. 10 minutes later it was just me and a close family member left on the patio- almost yelling at each other - everyone else was cowering insiders 😀 I admit I was in the wrong here.
Over Christmas we chose to ignore a conversation starter from an elderly relative- “gender politics has gone too far” and utilised the distraction technique you mention above.
Oh Neil!! The BBQ sounds like a tough afternoon (and I’ve had similar!). Don’t get me started on the gender stuff - the insensitive stuff people say is unbelievable! Hope you’re relaxing now!
It was a quiet Christmas for me and my wife, as usual. I largely avoided the awkward moments when you come upon someone with unacceptable views and language.
There was just the one incident and that occurred during an online chat with my wife's nephew. He is starting a new job in the new year as a driver of a vehicle taking children with disabilities to and from school. I happen to have experience of this work as I was once employed part-time as a passenger assistant.
I told nephew about an incident with a driver. The driver
using inappropriate language in front of the children. He was talking about a local shop and was describing it as a 'Paki' shop. I told nephew about the argument that I had with the driver once the children had left the vehicle. The driver couldn't see anything wrong with his language. To my surprise the nephew started to defend the driver. "Well if the shop owner is from Pakistan how else would his shop be described."
I had to patiently explain that this term is used generically to describe any shop owned by a person with brown skin and is therefore racist and offensive.
It always surprises me when intelligent people come out with such stupidly. I'm a seventy three year old Grandpa and I have to teach younger people how to behave. In the meantime my wife is getting annoyed with me for "getting on my high horse " as she put it.
In the past I have witnessed racism and kept quiet. I now speak out. I've been called a snowflake and a lefty. That doesn't bother me. It's good to know I'm not on my own.
Keep on writing Ju, I only found you recently and enjoy your work.
Thank you, Julia for your kind and generous offer. Fortunately, most of my family are fairly progressive and none are Tories, except my brother's wife, or read the Mail. I marvel at how you cope and then choose to take on more stress by letting people vent. You truly have a kind and generous soul. I wish you a Happy New Year and thank you xx
It’s hard to know what to do for the best, isn’t it? I think the trickiest thing is the trigger-reaction of hearing horrible views from people whose damaging judgements have influenced your own life (maybe by telling you when you were younger what was good/ bad, or what you should/shouldn’t be doing). It’s difficult to tolerate dreadful political opinions from people who have exerted influence on our own lives?
I like the meme that reminds us that we won’t be able to change our racist uncles awful views, so we should just go sit at the kids table and radicalize them instead. If I was gathering with a group for Christmas this would be my mission lol
This sounds brilliant Maggie! I hope you have a relaxing and peaceful day!
I hope you have a lovely Christmas, Julia. This will be the 4th Christmas my husband has spent in hospital. He was admitted on 10/09, bacteraemia then scanned & discovered he had kidney stone. He has primary progressive MS, 72 now diagnosed at 54, advanced stage now, fully compos mentis & there is no care package available to enable him to come home. The care sector is totally broken. I despair. Thank you for all your hard work. 💚
Alison I am so, so sorry. We must hold these awful politicians to account. You’ll both be in my thoughts tomorrow 🌟
Thank you, Julia. A very happy Christmas to you & yours. xx
Alison I am so so sorry you and your husband are going through this. What a horrible way to spend the holidays. He is fortunate to have you by his side through this.
Thank you, Maggie. Happy Christmas to you & yours. xx
Alison so sorry to read this. You must be torn every which way at the moment.
Have you applied to Royal Medical Benevolent Fund for support?
No, I haven’t but thank you for your reply. There just isn’t the capacity in the care sector & it seems particularly bad in Somerset despite there being a considerable number of care agencies. A doesn’t have complex needs, he needs washing & moving position. I empty the urine bag & clean up everything, give him his meds, feed him, provide all other needs. It’s really just moving & hoisting him into his wheelchair I can’t do. I dread him staying in hospital for a third lengthy spell. 💚
Hi Alison, I’m just messaging to say that I’m thinking of you and I hope that the last couple of days haven’t been too tiring and stressful. 🌟
Thank you, Julia. Both daughters here & visiting A & an ex-pupil going in tomorrow to see him. He been supplied with mince pies, cheese, grapes & whiskey, so he’s content. He is very stoical & staff have described him as having a unique grace. He is the most tolerant person I have ever known. It’s what made him such a good teacher, I think. Hope you’re having a great break from it all. xx
He sounds like an incredible person Alison, and he’s so lucky to have you all!
Thank you, Julia. ❤️❤️
Sorry it has taken so long to reply dear Alison. You do so much for him!
Moving and hoisting is essential and not easy!!
That should be recognised by provision of support to you. You save the NHS so much already they should recognise how cost effective it would be to support you properly!
Do share what would help. I am an OAP who with my siblings supported our parents when they were very poorly/dependent. Also a retired doctor.
Hoping the last month has not been too challenging.
Thank you, David. Believe me your considerate reply is very much appreciated. The last few months have been very trying. There don’t appear to be any carers available in Somerset & Andy remains in hospital. Thank you for listening.
I requested noise - cancelling headphones from my mother-in-law. I'm looking forward to using them and not having to listen to her monologues. Delicious irony. Merry Christmas
This sounds very sensible James!! Merry Christmas to you! Ju
Thanks
A good and timely message .
I have learnt to keep my own counsel at Christmas.
That’s very wise John!
We’ve already had a heated discussion as to whether Mary Earps deserved to be Personality of the Year. Very surprised at the sexist comments from some family members. Today should be interesting as I’m very much outnumbered by right wingers, who pretend that they’re not. I’ll try and avoid discussion, but am not optimistic that I’ll be able to keep my mouth shut. Good luck Ju, see you the other side.
Hi Vee!! Hmm it’s so difficult to keep biting your tongue isn’t it? Lots of my family members get worried about people ‘creating scenes’ (which basically means they get angry if anyone holds them to account for saying dreadful things…!). Have things improved today at all? Ju
Good advice Julia
I try to keep reminding myself that a past generation's racism will have to die with them, as I've refused the inherit it.
Only on this sort of occasion do I bite my lip and accept that I'm unlikely to make any significant change to anyone who's believed in their inappropriate attitude for 75+ years, in fact it will only lead to at least two people getting upset.
Merry Christmas Steve! I hope that your day is lovely and relaxing! ⛄️🎄⛄️🎄
Hoping to avoid discussions with one of the family who supports Trump, yet acknowledges the hopeless case of ex-PM Johnson. I remain mystified by the logic. Merry Christmas Ju, and all of you working to do the best for everyone.
Oh gosh Rik that must be very hard to stomach!! Do you avoid talking about Trump or confront it head-on? Thinking of you! Thank you so much for all of your support! Ju
They are also a heavy smoker, ugh, with mild but chronic asthma - astounding? Easier to ignore the topic for one day in the year methinks Ju. Thank you, and hope I'm doing my little bit to help.
I once enlivened a family BBQ by stating “people that want to avoid paying tax can sod off and live in a hell hole of a country with no public services”. 10 minutes later it was just me and a close family member left on the patio- almost yelling at each other - everyone else was cowering insiders 😀 I admit I was in the wrong here.
Over Christmas we chose to ignore a conversation starter from an elderly relative- “gender politics has gone too far” and utilised the distraction technique you mention above.
Oh Neil!! The BBQ sounds like a tough afternoon (and I’ve had similar!). Don’t get me started on the gender stuff - the insensitive stuff people say is unbelievable! Hope you’re relaxing now!
It was a quiet Christmas for me and my wife, as usual. I largely avoided the awkward moments when you come upon someone with unacceptable views and language.
There was just the one incident and that occurred during an online chat with my wife's nephew. He is starting a new job in the new year as a driver of a vehicle taking children with disabilities to and from school. I happen to have experience of this work as I was once employed part-time as a passenger assistant.
I told nephew about an incident with a driver. The driver
using inappropriate language in front of the children. He was talking about a local shop and was describing it as a 'Paki' shop. I told nephew about the argument that I had with the driver once the children had left the vehicle. The driver couldn't see anything wrong with his language. To my surprise the nephew started to defend the driver. "Well if the shop owner is from Pakistan how else would his shop be described."
I had to patiently explain that this term is used generically to describe any shop owned by a person with brown skin and is therefore racist and offensive.
It always surprises me when intelligent people come out with such stupidly. I'm a seventy three year old Grandpa and I have to teach younger people how to behave. In the meantime my wife is getting annoyed with me for "getting on my high horse " as she put it.
In the past I have witnessed racism and kept quiet. I now speak out. I've been called a snowflake and a lefty. That doesn't bother me. It's good to know I'm not on my own.
Keep on writing Ju, I only found you recently and enjoy your work.
Thank you, Julia for your kind and generous offer. Fortunately, most of my family are fairly progressive and none are Tories, except my brother's wife, or read the Mail. I marvel at how you cope and then choose to take on more stress by letting people vent. You truly have a kind and generous soul. I wish you a Happy New Year and thank you xx
It’s hard to know what to do for the best, isn’t it? I think the trickiest thing is the trigger-reaction of hearing horrible views from people whose damaging judgements have influenced your own life (maybe by telling you when you were younger what was good/ bad, or what you should/shouldn’t be doing). It’s difficult to tolerate dreadful political opinions from people who have exerted influence on our own lives?
Merry Christmas to you Clive!! Hope you have a lovely, peaceful and relaxing day! Ju